Showing posts with label satire. Show all posts
Showing posts with label satire. Show all posts

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Welcoming Obama



Dear Barak,
Blessings! Well wishes. Maybe sycophants may say that for the president of USA some heavy-weight words should be used. But somehow we (used in the sense of King’s English) feel that if there is that much formality and distance, then what is the point of even writing a letter. You are of the age of my former students, my children and we are a teacher. And you know that a teacher never retires. Just starts lecturing anyone, anywhere, as if teaching in a class. We also know that you studied in an ordinary school where there would have been teachers like us - hard and strict from outside but inside? ... approachable, inclusive and personable. In the so-called ‘big’ school, the teachers teach less and learn more because in such schools, students come wearing their influential fathers’ shoes, not their own.

We read your book. Not because you are president but because you are a different kind of president. You have risen from the soil. We can smell the soil and sweat in you. Clinton also wrote a book and even sold a lot, but we didn’t read it, because that was written by a president and licentious man. These days it has become a fashion to cash on whatever little good or bad publicity one can garner. The so called ‘great’ personalities also get many writers on rent. What to read them! But you wrote this book not while you were a president but even before you became a presidential candidate. Hence there is a thinking youth reflected in it and not a shrewd politician.

You have seen dreams and that too of an honest man. We want to join you in those dreams. In your blood it is not just the ‘Eat, Drink, Make merry’ kind of consumerist American dreams, but your blood also has Asia and Africa whose civilizations have been ancient, simple and hard-working. It is very important to have a seasoning of these cultures in the American political dish of today because the world has seen the results of pure consumerist culture. ‘Only consumption’ ruins not just people but countries and the whole world.

America gets the credit for the Hiroshima and Nagasaki, fueling the Cold War, encouraging the Islamic fundamentalists and being the main representative of making consumption the only goal of life. The departed have left thorns for your office tenure. Your path is not easy. Your name, Barak, means ‘blessed’. May God give you the good fortune and strength after giving you the opportunity to be a blessing to this entire world. You have understanding, and now power in the form of the office. Now, all that you need is good company, because the powerful quickly get sweet-spoken sycophants who waste a lot of time. We saw that happen to our former Prime Minister Rajiv Gandhi. He had some vision. He opened doors to new technology because of which now India is a power in IT and other technical fields. The kind of absolute majority he got (more than 2/3 seats) he could have changed the constitution for the good, but the sweet-spoken ‘well-wishers’ never gave him the time for thought clarity. If he wanted he could have passed uniform civil code, uniform education, ended Section 370 and other far-reaching and revolutionary works, but what did people advise? ‘Override and slap the Supreme Court in the Shah Bano case for the Muslim vote bank.’ Then they advised to open the locks of the Ayodhya Ram Temple and get Hindu votes as well. And the result? In the dilemma he got neither Ram nor maya (neither spiritual nor material gain). Rather, had to eat onions as well as get the boots. (A thief was punished with either eating 100 onions or getting beaten with 100 shoe kicks. He chose to eat onions, and couldn’t finish, so he got the kicks as well. Similarly, Rajiv lost trust of both Muslims and Hindus). Just beware of such advisors.

Your oath ceremony preparations are going on with lot of pomp and show. It is a bad time for the American economy. If we were in your place, we would not have spent even a cent. Nowadays, because of television, the whole world can see on television itself. Not sure if this was your desire or on the advice of some ‘well-wisher’. Nevertheless, it is true that for non-whites, it is a historic moment. They would be desirous to have the biggest ever such program. In such occasions, simplicity is more effective. The same money could have been given to the inner city schools with low funding and economically weaker sections of the society.

Over here, it gets over-crowded even for small functions. But these days there are lot of incidents of ‘explosive’ situations in crowded areas. In your case, just take care that there are no race riots. If all goes peaceful, we will take that as a sign of maturity of your people. This is the time to test the patience of the ‘whites’. Earlier the America who hoisted the flag of consumerism and now is suffering slowdown, we wish the same America now, under your guidance, set an example of simplicity, hard work and frugality.

You will take oath on the Lincoln Bible. Your national motto is - ‘In God we trust’. Actually, there is only one God, but somehow none of the god-men seem to agree on this basic tenet. They will proclaim there is only one God, and then fight in the name of the same God! In the name of religion, they will make armies, and either by force or by coerce they will convert. Over here, Gandhiji (and only Gandhiji) used to sing ‘Ishwar, Allah are both Your names’. But no religion gave him recognition in their religion. Is it necessary to be extreme for the sake of religion? Every new religion started with a new God and started on a Crusade to wipe out older one. For you not just race, even religion can pose a problem. Over here, our national motto is - ‘Truth alone triumphs’. The great Upanishads say that Truth is God and there is no bigger penance than the path of Truth. Truth is also more scientific, but accepting truth doesn’t allow individual shops for these religious god-men! We have another great thought of essence - ‘This is mine, that not - such thought is of the narrow minded. The benevolent consider the whole earth as their family.’

If you take inspiration from this thought then you will truly become a blessing for the whole world. In your leadership, this world becomes a better place - with these well-wishes,

Sincerely,

Ramesh Joshi
18 January 2009


Original Post

If you like this post, why don't you become a fan? Follow this blog.

Add to Technorati Favorites Visit blogadda.com to discover Indian blogs
Top Blogs
Bloglisting.net - The internets fastest growing blog directory Blog Directory




Translated from the original works of Ramesh Joshi from the following blogs - Jhootha Sach (True Lies) and Joshi Kavi (Poet)
Original (c): Ramesh Joshi. Translation (c): Shashikant Joshi

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

India died



Dear readers,
With a heavy heart I inform you today that India has died. Death is the ultimate outcome of life. One who is born will definitely die. But the cause of my sorrow is that where India died there was no lack of any care or facility. There was lot of love and care and still death came! Now, what can we do? Just give the condolences. A two minute silence can be observed. India had the protection of the most powerful person on earth. When time comes then even on the most powerful person, the most common person can throw a shoe and people will watch the fun!

I got the news of India's death from Fox News where, from the office of Laura Bush in White House, it was told that India died at the age of 18 years. So is India only 18 years old? Well sir, if the birth was 18 years ago how can the age be more than 18? The happy news is that Laura Bush considered India as part of her family.

Because of her being 18 years old, India was about to get voting rights. Who knows a permanent seat in the Security Council of UN as well! If America wants, what is impossible? But now what, India already died. Now you would say how is this possible that India dies and we are still alive? But this has happened time and again. Mafia killed engineer Satyendra Dubey of the Golden Quadrilateral (highway system built between the four Indian metros) and nothing happened. Manish Gupta was killed when he refused to give 'donations' on the birthday bash of a powerful politician and nothing happened. Take a fresh example, (Mumbai) terrorists were from Pakistan the whole world knew, and Pakistan stares in the eye and chuckles saying they were not from Pakistan. It will keep happening like this in future as well. You give proof and it says they are not sufficient. In future also it will keep saying like this. Even US denied the move to brand Pakistan as a terrorist state or India's 48-hour deadline. The whole world is watching the drama, if this is not dying then what else is?

But you be the World Guru, the economic powerhouse!

Now let me in you on the secret that India is none other than Laura Bush's dear cat whom the lady named India out of love. Some of you, out of excess showing off of national pride will say that the naming of a cat as India has hurt India's national pride. But what can be done of this? This happens all the time! In America Lord Shiv, Lord Ganesh, Mother Kali get printed on sandals and toilet bowls!

Otherwise, a cat is dearer to the master than a dog.

The naming of the cat is not a new story; it was done back in 2001. Then I had written two kunDaliya verses (Kundaliya compilation - 'Apni Apni Lanka' i.e. 'To each his Lanka') so I would like to present those here -

(Translation from the original)
Ramoo, Bhola, such names servants always get
With Lord Ram or Shiva, don't be upset
Don't be upset, 'ridiculed'? Why do you say?
A cat is better than a dog in every way.
Joshi, being Their dog world wags and yelps aloud
We are Their dear cat, we should be proud!

(Bhola = innocent, or Lord Shiva; Ramoo = from Lord Ram)


Just because India has become Bush's cat
Why the anger, and why are you sad?
Why are you sad, don't you know elite pet
Traveling to exotic places, in luxury they get
Say Joshi Poet, purr and enchant them, O pet
Forget mouse, chicken that too Kentucky, you get.

6 January 2009


Original Post

If you like this post, why don't you become a fan? Follow this blog.

Add to Technorati Favorites Visit blogadda.com to discover Indian blogs
Top Blogs
Bloglisting.net - The internets fastest growing blog directory Blog Directory




Translated from the original works of Ramesh Joshi from the following blogs - Jhootha Sach (True Lies) and Joshi Kavi (Poet)
Original (c): Ramesh Joshi. Translation (c): Shashikant Joshi

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Kashmir problem is British brainchild


(Context: Tony Blair's Foreign Minister Jack Straw was in India in 2002. That time he accepted that Kashmir issue was created by British policy. There are times when the truth slips out of the mouth of the shrewdest person. So it slipped out of Jack Straw's mouth as well. Now this is a different story that people like Miliband don't understand or act insane on purpose. I am sharing an article written on Jack Straw's 'confession' back in 2002)


Mr. Jack Straw Sahib,
Prostrations, Me Lord. You are Foreign Minister of the mega-empire that build our nation (India). You are worth worshiping, even though your name has 'straw' in it. Ever since you have become a shameless wagging dog of US, it seems there is only straw (fodder) in Britain. In fact, here in our country we don't even have that. Whatever little fodder was left for animals, the politicians have scandalized it (Fodder scam). For us you are a 'jack' - a support apparatus to remove a punctured tire. Even if Britain is now only a 'master of none' but for us you are still a 'jack of all'.

Actually Britain sucked India dry. From a 'Golden Sparrow' it became a wandering beggar. There was a decent enough national integrity which you dismantled by dividing among religion. On this basis the itch you started has now become decaying leprosy. In the Jalianwalla Bagh (fenced park in Amritsar) the marks of your love for justice are still intact. Your queen is a gutsy lady. She came here, saw the Jallianwala Bagh, but didn't express the slightest of guilt or sorrow over the massacre of 1919 of innocent civilian men, women and children. Macaulay spent the money for Indian education on a new education system to inbreed clerks for the British empire. Filled Indians with an inferiority complex for India itself. We have started considering not only our language, culture, food, history, traditions but also our parents as a thing of shame. Through the grace of intellectuals like Catherine Mayo (author of Mother India) India, over time, has gained the status of a very backward and uncivilized country in the world. The Dhaka cotton (malmal) that won't let Manchester rise, was systematically ruined just like the industry and labor of this region. Priceless things like our Kohinoor and many Indic manuscripts are still with you.

America apologized for dropping the N bomb on Japan. Pope apologized for the gross deeds of the priests. Japan apologized for its soldiers' atrocities on women (Nankin). Jews even today make Germany pay through the nose for the atrocities of Nazi Hitler.

You have shown signs of a big heart by acknowledging that Kashmir is the brainchild of England. But to sit on the chest of defeated history, you don't need a big heart but a big scumbag. India is grateful to England even today. If not for Britain who would have built the Presidential palace, Parliament building, Connaught Place, railways for us Indians? Who would have established rule of law in a lawless land? Without English, how could a multi-lingual country engage in conversation and how would have freedom movement started? In here, we still have people singing praises of the British Raj. And you are repenting in guilt? This doesn't grace the 'brave', the 'victor'.

We are still walking in your footsteps for India's progress. By regretting, you will weaken our self-confidence. Someday if you have time, come over, and we will show you how we have made English even more mandatory than air and water. All expression of thought has to abide by Oxford English Dictionary. We have been so meticulous in breeding herds of clerks that farmers have resorted to suicide. Earlier we used to burn bonfire (Holi) of foreign goods, now we pride by doing the last rites of Indian goods. Earlier, industrialists were respected and today we are eager to sell whatever government industry at whatever prices to whomever. Now, ghee,milk, fruits, grocery, cloths, grains everything has started coming from foreign. Even in this hot tropical country, people have left the natural buttermilk and fruit juices and are dying for carbonated cold drinks.

We drink even more than Europe. We have washed and dried Gandhi squeaky clean. Come and lets see, there is not even one Gandhi cap in the parliament. During election campaign a fake Sachin wearing Gandhi cap was a source of entertainment. The nation that you divided on the basis of religion, we are taking it to the natural conclusion of dicing and slicing it on caste and subcaste. You used to do education development with liquor tax. Whether or not we developed education, we have made sure to have opened a liquor shop in every nook and cranny. We never listened to Gandhi who said if they made him dictator for a day he would close all liquor shops. The old geezer was senile! How can you run kingdoms and empires without liquor? In the media we ourselves strip our sisters and mothers.

We look for reasons in films for national disrespect and riot but ourselves sell bidi and tobacco with the photo of Ganesh, Tulsi, Ram or Shiv. Women are not safe in home, college, market, office, road, anywhere! In the name of Mother Goddess Shakti, the malpractice of Sati is being praised. There is religious (dharma) uproar but actually evil (adharma) is on the soar! When you left there wasn't any debt. Now we have attained the goal of 200 billion US greenbacks (back in 2002). Population is three times and criminals will soon have a majority in parliament and legislative assembly.

Someday, take out some time and purify this land of India with the holy dust of thy Holy Feet. Come, see, the destruction and ruining that you could not complete what all we have done to ensure that and tell us what more we can do. How else can you guide us in this regard?

Original Post

If you like this post, why don't you become a fan? Follow this blog.

Add to Technorati Favorites Visit blogadda.com to discover Indian blogs
Top Blogs
Bloglisting.net - The internets fastest growing blog directory Blog Directory




Translated from the original works of Ramesh Joshi from the following blogs - Jhootha Sach (True Lies) and Joshi Kavi (Poet)
Original (c): Ramesh Joshi. Translation (c): Shashikant Joshi

Monday, January 26, 2009

Miliband - came, spoke, insulted!


British Foreign Secretary David Miliband graced Indian soil on the festive occasion of Makar Sankranti and Pongal (पोंगल). Though I couldn't see the maturity and experience on his face or in his work as is needed for this. Probably Rahul Gandhi called him for a picnic in India. No wonder, he was showing the cows in Uttar Pradesh villages.

Ever since they are not profitable as before they are not revered as before, but still Hindus don't kill or eat them. Even today on Makar Sankranti, people feed them green fodder for some punya. In Karnataka cows and oxen are decorated and worshipped like in Northern India it is done on Gopashtami (गोपाष्टमी). England won't have any decent cow left. First they were fed their own remains (powered bones) which made them 'mad' and in name of Mad Cow disease killed millions of them. Quite possible, there may not be any real cow worth seeing. Maybe they bite if you go near them!

India still has some ordinary cows. Actually, all of India has become a cow. Any one can come and beat this cow. And then they preach to India,just like a raped woman is told 'You should look worthy of raping in the first place! It is your fault.' If someone's necklace gets snatched then she is scolded 'Why do you wear gold and lure the bad elements?' Something of this sort is Mr Miliband advising India. He says 'Kashmir is the cuase of terrorism.' That is, first solve this, that is give it to the separatists, terrorists. That is what USA has wanted all along since 1948!

Why doesn't Miliband suggest such an innocent solution to terrorism to US - 'Listen brother, quit Christianity and embrace Islam and then Osama will become your religion-brother and wtop terrorism.'

Miliband doesn't know why the Kashmiri Pandits are not seen today, whom 'saints' like Azhar Masood, at the behest and protection of Pakistan, scared them out of their own motherland in the name of serving Islam. And Delhi government kept silent for vote bank politics. After all, how could a small official has the guts and audacity to suggest such a thing to India? So what was Rahul Gandhi kissing up to him for? If you put them on a pedestal, they will piss on our head!

24 January 2009

Original Post

If you like this post, why don't you become a fan? Follow this blog.

Add to Technorati Favorites Visit blogadda.com to discover Indian blogs
Top Blogs
Bloglisting.net - The internets fastest growing blog directory Blog Directory




Translated from the original works of Ramesh Joshi from the following blogs - Jhootha Sach (True Lies) and Joshi Kavi (Poet)
Original (c): Ramesh Joshi. Translation (c): Shashikant Joshi