Sunday, October 3, 2010

Commonwealth and welcoming an old prince.

Original Post

[Written on the India visit of Prince Charles after last Commonwealth games 1-April-2006 ]

Prince Charles-ji,
Europe was already of the white people. After finding America, they controlled that as well. They grabbed Australia as well. What is left is Africa and Asia, and these were the colonies of the white people.

So, in a way the whites had control of the whole world. And even after these countries got their independence, their exploitation is still going on! Now it is not called imperialism, but commerce and market.

Your country, Britain, I mean Great Britain itself is a symbol of white-ness. Sun never set in your empire. From the recently finished Commonwealth Games [this article was written in 2006 after the last CWG] readers would have known that in these games a total of 71 ex-British colonies participated.

Sometimes the so called patriots of these countries feign self-respect by changing names of places that may remind of the white lords. If this was enough, something would have happened by now. The real need is to change the over usage of English language, lifestyle, fashion etc. but these things might label one as fundamentalist and hard-liner.

If you see, in this respect America (USA) is the most fundamentalist and hard-liner. Even America was under Britain. Britain did nothing for it, just kept extorting taxes. So, one day British-origin residents of America stopped paying tax to the king of Britain and became independent. Very easily earned and affordable independence!

But what did America do for its own independent identity, hear me out! They call their language as American English, and have modified its pronunciation, spellings, grammar to suit themselves, just a tad bit different, to be different. Traffic goes on the right side, as opposed to left side in most of the world. Still, separate from the rest of the world, they have gallon, pound, pint, ounce, yard, foot, inch, mile. Similar to cricket, they have their baseball. They call football as soccer, and their football is different.

And they don't participate in commonwealth games either, which would remind them of their slavery.

And here we are - whose life is blessed just by speaking English or shaking hands of an English. In any Commonwealth meet, the Queen sits in the center like a school principal, and the heads of other countries gather around her like teachers, clerks, peons, and get their photos taken. So, Commonwealth means (to Britain) that "Our wealth is ours, and all yours' is common". Lest we forget our past and present 'lords', master and respectables, sometimes the queen and sometimes you keep coming to India with your ex or present wife. And we keep welcoming you like an emperor and feeling blessed.

So, O Just-now-came-and-gone, father of two young sons, sixty year old, husband of a divorced mother of two, prince Charles, Victory to you! This time you have come on a (India) New Year. Till now, we only new of Annd Domini (AD) years only, the Christian calendar. We do all our work by it, we wake up to it, and die by it. Even though five hundred years before Jesus Mahavir and Buddha had walked the earth. Two thousand years before that Harappa and Mohen-Jodero civilizations had flourished. And even before that are Rama, Krishna, Dwarika and Rama Setu (Rama's bridge). But according to your wish, we have the AD calendar.

By giving us the privilege of welcoming you in Jaipur on the occassion of (Indian) New Year, you have honoured the world guru India and the (Indian) New Year. We are grateful to you even for this. We could care less that our most revered gods - Rama, Krishna, Shiva, Vishnu are all darker skinned and we are dying to apply Fair and Lovely to become white like you! If possible, invent something so we all black baboons can also become white faced monkeys like you. Really, this dark color is so humiliating. You saw the villages, saw the daughter-in-law plastering the courtyard, accepted the crafts of this place, did a heritage walk in Jaipur, sat on teh throne and photographed with the elephants. We are again grateful to you for all this.

But, one thing in closing. Once before you had come when Padmini Kolhapure had kissed you. If it was the real princess Padmini of Chittorgarh, she won't even let your shadow fall on her. This kiss was a debt on you and you settled the score by kissing some ex-queen of here. But, now you should reduce your trips. You have crossed sixty. Now, you should sit at home and pray to the almighty. Do some chanting, or kirtan. Now, to remind us of our slavery, you should send the two sons of Diana with your latest girlfriends. At least there be some spice for the youth and media.


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Translated from the original works of Ramesh Joshi from the following blogs - Jhootha Sach (True Lies) and Joshi Kavi (Poet) Original (c): Ramesh Joshi. Translation (c): Shashikant Joshi

Monday, April 19, 2010

With what disgrace !

Tharoor ji,
Jai Shri Ram. This was bound to happen. We were sensing it for some time that this pie was not baking well. You, of course, didn't understand it in the high of being a minister. Now, not only is the position gone, but your good name, if you consider it of any value, is also gone.

Great Ghalib sahab has said,
'nikalanaa khuld se aadam ka sunate aaye haiN lekin
bahut beaabaroo ho kar tere kooche se ham nikale'
i.e. I have heard of Adam being kicked out of Eden
But I was walked out of your lane much more disgraced.

Anyways, now you can chirp on tweeter, tour Dubai or Canada, flirt around, good riddance to cattle class, stay at five or fifty-star hotel! No one to question. Though when someone is there to watch, only then it is fun to break rules - the attraction of forbidden fruit! Anyways, now that the minister post is gone, then to heck with the party, it is not going to keep you from being a 'widow'. At most, Congress can kick you out of the party but the perks of being an MP, paycheck and future pension - who can stop that. Have fun in the AV coaches of Indian Railway. We would even suggest that you should select a good train and not even get down from the AC coach. You don't have to pay anyways. And you can put the bungalow in Delhi on rent!

We have no dearth of suggestions. Maybe you can get bored. Anyways, just like Vetal used to tell stories to the King Vikramaditya (famous folk tales of India), so we will also tell you a story. And, after that we won't even ask you a question and put you in dilemma. So, listen.

There was a village bum. Simpleton and less educated. Didn't even know proper Hindi, forget about tweeting English. He somehow got married to a town girl. He would speak his country tongue, and she would show off her 'educated' Hindi. Many days passed, the boy was frustrated. Every time she would say, 'Got it? Did you get it?'. These questions are rhetoric and don't need an answer. One day the boy got tired and replied - 'Yes, I got it.' The girl was shocked. This was the first time he spoke back. She retorted - 'What? What did you understand?' To which the boy said, - 'I got it, you are not going to stay with me for much longer.'

So, my dear child, we got it the same day when you started to show off your English (Issue over use of 'Interlocutor' in reference to Kashmir, when talking to Arab leaders). Now, what is the point of crying over the milk, it is all done now. Remember, when in Rome do as Romans do. Be Indian, talk Indian. Common man wants desi oratory. Whatever may happen behind the curtains, you should display a bright white robe outside. People, they themselves maybe worst scum, but want their politicians to be squeaky clean like fresh milk. Those who visit the religious ashrams, may themselves ogle over the voluptuous devotees, but keep full track of the swami's wandering eyes. And at the release of any video, they themselves are ready to beat the swami's posters.

Listen to another funny story! We got tons of them! Now, you have no rush to go to the ministry and we have nothing else to do but to write letters to great souls like you. In an intellectual state of India, a priest was performing a wedding. Priest was also no less than the host. More than half the guests were high, and so was the priest. After the ‘phere’ (circumambulating the sacred fire), he said, 'Now let the bridge and groom get up and put hand prints on the wall.' One family member who noticed, said 'Punditji, you didn't make them go round the fire proper number of times, it is one less than needed.' Without missing a beat, the priest replied, 'If they are going to live happily ever after, they will do so even with one less round.'

So, the math of married life is also something like this. If it is to succeed, even the most mismatched marriage may last lifelong. If not, then even love marriages break up quickly. Your first marriage was also love marriage? Full twenty five years. Two nice children as well, by God's grace! The householder stage (grihastha ashram) is said to be only of twenty five years. After that, one hands over the responsibilities to the children and prepares for a retired social service life (vaanaprastha ashram). And you married second time after fifty, when you should be retiring from a life of pleasure. How would the poor children take this? As per our calculations, you should get the kids married, and let your daughter-in-law earn some ‘punya’ by taking care of you, and you should play with the grandchildren. But, this pleasure is not in their luck who only think of their own fun.

You second wedding was in 2007 at the age of 51. Is that an age to marry! And as if your second wife was a young bride? She was also fully experienced. Well, here is another story; your story reminds us of so many stories! A village man married very late. Girl was from the village as well, and she too was of good age. Man said, let us go for honeymoon. After three four days of honeymoon, she asked, so when are we going to honeymoon? So he said, ‘What were we doing all these days?’ To which the woman said, 'You didn't have to come so far for this. This we could do in the fields any time.' So, your second one was smarter than you thought. In Hind we say ' aap ser to wo savaa ser'. That marriage had to end this way only. Divorce is either on the way or already finished.

Now, you are seen with your third friend. She too is no naive girl. Has her own business in Dubai. Lust destroys man's intelligence. Dasharath too was over attracted to Kaikeyi and lost his mind to have send Rama to exile. Rama and Ayodhya, both suffered for his decision. And now, you are also stuck in such fatal attraction. For such situation only, the saint Kabir has called woman as 'maya' (enchantress) and 'Thagini' (cheat). But who can escape such maya? Only those who either have the grace of God on them or love their family, wife and children.

We would suggest that you should reconcile with your first wife and live in some peace. May the Lord bestow some good thoughts in you.


Original Hindi Post

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Translated from the original works of Ramesh Joshi from the following blogs - Jhootha Sach (True Lies) and Joshi Kavi (Poet)
Original (c): Ramesh Joshi. Translation (c): Shashikant Joshi